LM929 Saturday Morning Live

Saturday Morning Live

LM928 Profiles in Courage

LM, Episode 928, 6/24/22

I’ve said it before, I HATE the former president because he has me cheering for someone named Cheney.

Last week I listened to the January 6 Committee public hearing on the radio while I was driving home from being a keynote speaker at a conference and I cheered for Liz Cheney.  Although I am pretty sure her father, Dick “Beelzebub” Cheney, will spend eternity burning in a Lake of Fire while being forced to listen to Steely Dan, his daughter is risking her political career to help save American democracy.

The hearing had testimony from people on Vice President Mike Pence’s staff.   These are REPUBLICANS who are telling how the former president attempted a coup to stay in office after he lost an election.  The plan is the brainchild of John Eastman, the Dean of Chapman University’s law school. After this I bet a law degree from Chapman will be as worthless as a degree from Trump University.

Even though Eastman knew the plan was illegal, when it failed he asked for a presidential pardon, something all innocent people do.  Even though he knew it was illegal, he and the former president continued pressuring Vice President Pence to not certify the election.  The president went so far as to tell the Vice President, “I don’t want to be your friend anymore if you don’t do this.”

Having more emotional maturity than the average six year old, Vice President Pence chose to continue with a peaceful transfer of power that has been part of the United States for over two hundred years over friendship with the former president, even though it put him and his family in danger.  He came within forty feet of the rioters at the Capitol on January 6th who were chanting “Hang Mike Pence,”, yet he refused to leave the Capitol so he could continue his duties transferring power to a new President.  

In 1956, before he was President, John Kennedy wrote a book titled Profiles in Courage about US Senators who defied popular opinion and acted with integrity to do the right thing, even though they were criticized and some ended their political careers. America is witnessing two people who are equally as brave, Liz Cheney and Mike Pence, and I believe they will go down in American history as profiles in courage. 

Have a great weekend and always remember laughter matters.

LM927 The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

LM, Episode 927, 6/23/22, The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

I’ve mentioned my accountant friend, Walter, before.  Walter has a long, white beard that reminds you of Santa or David Letterman, he wears a sweater which makes him look like he’s going to an ugly sweater contest and a MAGA hat.  

Twice I have made the mistake of asking him about his weekend.  The last time he tells me, after church, he drove 105 miles down I-75 to a Richmond KY truckstop called Buc-ees for gas and the buffet.  

I go, “I presume the gas is for your van and not from the buffet?”

In typical Walter fashion, he says, “Yes, and the gas is 36 cents cheaper than here in Cincinnati.”

“Walter, I’m not sure that makes good financial sense.  Your van gets, what, 25, 30 miles per gallon?”

“Twenty eight,” he replies.

“Okay, at 28 miles per gallon, you used 7.5 gallons of gas to go 210 miles.  Even with 36 cents cheaper, you spent $35 to save, what, $7?”

“But, Kent, don’t forget about the buffet.”

“How could I, Walter.”  I should have known not to try to reason with someone wearing a MAGA hat.

He says he also picked up some buc-ees’ souvenirs for his grandkids, plus they have America’s cleanest bathrooms.

“Walter, you obviously have never been to my sister-in-law, Joyce’s house.”

“Kent, I meant America’s cleanest TRUCKSTOP bathrooms.”

“I’m not sure that’s a very high bar, but, Walter, as Emily Dickinson said, the heart wants want the heart wants.  Let’s just say you and I lead vastly different lives.”

Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson to not ask Walter about his weekend.  Take care and always remember laughter matters.

LM926 Lee Trevino

LM, Episode 926, 6/22/22, Lee Trevino

I don’t play golf, let me count the reasons.  First, it is way too expensive for me. I am not any good at playing. The only way you could make an afternoon more boring for me is to make me visit my aunt Lena and, finally, most of the people I know who play golf I don’t like.  I can’t see paying good money to do something I find boring and I do poorly with people I don’t like.  

The only thing I like about golf is the episode of WKRP when Les Nesman calls Chi Chi Rodregues, “Chi Chi Rod reg ez.” Johnny Fever tries to correct him, saying, “Chi Chi Rodriguez,” but Les thinks Johnny is messing with him, so he continues, saying, “Mr Rod reg ez.”

But this week I have a whole new appreciation for golfers when I read a story about Lee Trevino.  Lee was mowing the lawn at his Dallas house when a woman stops and asks if he speaks English.  When he replies he does, she asks how much he charges for lawn work.  Lee responds, “Well, the lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.”

Thank you Lee.  It is nice to know some golfers know that laughter matters. 

LM925 I Certainly Depreciate That

LM, Episode 925, 6/21/22,I Certainly Depreciate That

I was minding my own business the other day and out of the blue Twyla asks, “If I asked you to go to the basement and get my socket set, would you know what to bring,” which is just mean because she knows I don’t.

I respond, “No, but let me ask you this, if I asked you to depreciate that car, could you do it?  No, and you know why, because we all have our own skill set.”

And it reminded me of a college friend of mine, Mason.  Mason was a weirdo from the start.  His first attempt to attend our alma mater, William Jewell College, we were running during cross country practice and someone noticed Mason, who’d started the workout with us, was now missing.  When we got back to the dorm, we found Mason packing his car to go to Colorado to work at a ski resort.

The following year, Mason returned to William Jewell and one bitterly cold day, I see Mason with the hood up on the same Mustang he had taken to Colorado.  He asks me, “Do you know anything about cars.”

I respond, “I know how to depreciate one.”

Mason says, “Well, I certainly depreciate that.”

Mason was always good for a laugh and you know how much laughter matters.