LM, Episode 657, 9/21/21, Uranus Fudge
I was driving through Missouri last week and near Ft. Leonard Wood, there was a business named Uranus Fudge. Needless to say, I didn’t stop. The only person who would think this is a good name for a business is someone who smokes way too much pot.
My favorite Missouri establishment is in Lamar, Crazy Debbie’s Fireworks, Cigarettes, and Liquor store or, as my brother, Michael, would call it, a one stop shop for Valentine’s Day. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Everyone knows what happens when you smoke around explosives and, with all that alcohol, the place will burn for a week. No wonder Debbie has mental health issues.
My new least favorite business in Missouri is the Express Stop in Lebanon, MO. I left my phone cord in the hotel room, so, while I was getting gas, I went in to buy a phone cord. I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I was the only one in rural Missouri wearing capri workout pants and a mask.
When I get to the car, I realize the cord doesn’t fit my phone. I return inside with my receipt, which was stupid because he remembered me from my pants and mask. I tell him I need to exchange the cord for one that fits.
He succinctly says, “No refunds.”
“I’m not asking for a refund. I want to exchange it for this one.”
“If you want that one, you’ll have to buy it.”
“Why in the world would I do that?”
So I went to the zoo or what the locals call the Wal-Mart. I bought a cord and a pair of camo pajama pants so I would fit in better with the locals.
Take care and always remember laughter matters.