LM784 At Least He Didn’t Call You an Asshole

LM, Episode 784, 1/26/22, At Least He Didn’t Call You an Asshole 

Today’s Laughter Matters contains language not suitable for young children. 

Recently I was driving my wife, Twyla, and our grandson, Kai, home after school and I call the guy in front of me an asshole because he’s driving only 5 miles over the speed limit.  I tell Kai, “You shouldn’t call people assholes.”

Chiming in from the back seat, Twyla says, “Even if someone in this car is acting like one.”

“Kai, I think your Mama Twyla just called you an asshole.”

He says, “She called someone an asshole.”

Following a Congressional Hearing a couple of weeks ago, Dr. Anthony Fauci was heard on a hot mic calling Kansas Senator, Roger Marshall, a moron.  It probably wasn’t Dr. Fauci’s proudest moment, but I want to console Senator Marshall, at least he didn’t call you an asshole, which is what Twyla would have called you.

Have a great day and always remember laughter matters.

LM783 Won’t Get Fooled Again

LM, Episode 783, 1/25/22, Won’t Get Fooled Again

Do you think the first time the Who played Won’t Get Fooled Again, they said, “Well we have our closer.”? 

Take care and always remember laughter matters.

LM782 Management Monday

LM, Episode 782, 1/24/22, Management Monday

  Twyla is my IT person, mainly she has the patience when technology doesn’t work.  I get frustrated and start pounding buttons.  That was how I lost my bike riding history on the Map My Ride app, lost some pictures, which was no big loss because I have 37 other pictures of the inside of my pockets, and, ironically, signed up for a meditation app.  

Recently when I asked Twyla to fix something on my phone, she smugly asks, “What would you do without me.”

“Listen, 8-9 times out of ten I fix my phone’s problems without your help.”

“Really?”

“Yes, because I’m traveling alone or you’re in school.”

But I may have to fire Twyla from her IT responsibilities.  After living here eight months, we finally got internet.  Even in the caves of Tora Bora, Osama Bin Laden had internet.  We have been using our phone’s hotspot, which is fine, except I have been home more than usual in the past two months and I have run out of my monthly allotment, which makes my internet speed slow down to 1997.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when Twyla turned on my hotspot to show our daughter, Maggie, something on the computer.  I said, “Leave my hotspot alone, that’s how we got those two kids in the first place.”

When Maggie stopped gagging, she says, “You two need to get internet.”

I sign up with Cincinnati Bell, go pick up the equipment, and ask Twyla to set it up, which I am sure is just how she wants to spend her Friday night.  Much to my surprise, after spending three hours on it, it still isn’t working.  I make a futile attempt at it, but the directions may as well have been in Chinese.  To avoid getting divorced, I set up a service call for Saturday. 

Jeremy shows up about 3 pm Saturday and he moves like a sloth on valium.  First thing Twyla does is offer him a brownie for making him work on Saturday.  “Twyla, anyone who moves that slow smokes pot, don’t offer him a brownie, he’ll never fix our internet. 

He declines, saying, “No problem, I get paid by the hour.”

He didn’t need to tell me that.

But I was completely wrong.  Jeremy was methodical.  He diagnosed the problem within minutes.  He found we had a broken wire where the internet comes into the house. He fixes quickly.  

Jeremy is going to show Twyla something on the TV and she asks if I want to join them.  I decline, saying, “No sense both of knowing how to work it.”

Damn, if the first time I turn on the TV, I have to ask how to do something.

Twyla says, “You should have listened to Jeremy.”

“Okay, you got me.”

Today on Management Monday I want to implore all you leaders, if you have a good IT person, pay them whatever they want because good IT people are hard to find.  Always remember laughter matters.

LM781 Hotel Towels

LM, Episode 781, 1/23/22, 

Once Henry Cho said, when he was single and doing comedy clubs, he loved hotels because he’d steal a towel every week.  He’d use the towel all week at home, then leave it at the next hotel where he stole a clean one to take home for the next week.

I have spent the last two nights in hotels.  I like being in a hotel alone.  I keep the room at 65 degrees without having to listen to Twyla complain she’s cold.  I can eat, sleep, write, read, and workout whenever I want, just as long as I’m at the show that night. 

This morning I’m up early for a five hour drive home.  I will listen to my recordings from this weekend’s show, making notes of stuff I want to rewrite while driving.  When I get home I will workout, then spend the evening having supper with our family.  They’ll drag me into playing a board game which I can’t wait to lose so I can go home and read.  But not before taking a shower and toweling off with my clean, hotel towel.

Have a restful and relaxing Sunday and always remember laughter matters.

LM780 Saturday Morning Live

Saturday Morning Live