LM520 Born to Ride

LM, Episode 520, 5/2/21, 

When I visited my parents a couple of weeks ago, Dad commented how different my brother, Michael, and I are.  I drive everywhere like I’m 15 minutes late.  Michael drives so slow farm equipment passes him.  He once got points taken off during his engineer’s test for driving the train so slow. Once he was driving a train through Chicago with the crew that would take it on to Omaha. The engineer is wanting to get home and told Micheal, “You know this thing will go a bit faster.”

Michael loves technology and can’t wait to buy the latest gadget.  I’d still be calling with two tin cans connected with string if the string didn’t get tangled when I travel.

We do both ride bikes.  Michael’s is a Harley and mine’s a Schwinn and, if I go easy he can almost keep up.

After lunch during my visit, Michael pulls out his well worn wallet.  I commented about it and his wife, Ruth, instantly starts laughing.  Micheal says it used to have a chain, but one day he had ridden his Harley to the hair stylist and when he tried to get up from the chair, his chain was tangled.  Apparently it took three stylists and a team of clydesdales to get him untangled.

All I could think to say was, “You were born to ride.”

Michael makes me laugh, whether he is telling a story about me or himself.  He always remembers laughter matters. 

LM519 Laughter Matters-Saturday Morning Live, Zella's Advice

Laughter Matters-Saturday Morning Live, Zella’s Advice

LM518 I’m Hot And Not In a Good Way


LM, Episode 518, 4/30/21, I’m Hot And Not In a Good Way

Twyla had a hot flash last night so bad I woke up hearing sizzling because my skin was frying.  She’s had hot flashes for 15 years, which is nothing.  I’ve been hot since 1966.  My two favorite villains on the old Batman TV show were Catwoman because Ertha Kitt was one of the most beautiful women to ever live, and Mr. Freeze because I wanted a suit like his that would keep me cool.

When I travel alone, I keep my hotel room at 60 degrees, which makes the housekeepers work quickly just to keep warm.

Unfortunately, I have passed this propensity to be hot to our daughter, Keith’s Sister.  She is so warm blooded that, even though their house has central air, she has a second AC in their bedroom so she can sleep more comfortably.  A couple of years ago after we spent the weekend in St. Louis watching some Cardinals’ games, the rest of the family said they would only do it again if Maggie and I shared a room so they didn’t freeze during the night.

Today is the end of April, which, traditionally, means the start of warmer, summer weather.  For the next four months I will struggle running in the heat, which makes me irritable, so, if you notice I’m short tempered, please remind me how much that laughter matters. 

LM517 A Nice Old Man

LM, Episode 517, 4/29/21, A Nice Old Man

Today is President Biden’s 100th day in office. For the first month, I continued the habit of waking up every morning to look at my phone to see what insanity the last president had tweeted during the night.  It’s always a relief when I realize America now has a president who cares about someone other than his own fragile ego.

But, after hearing an interview with The Late Show host, Stephen Colbert, maybe President Biden does have some vanity.  Colbert said after President Biden’s first visit on his show in 2015, Colbert commented, “What a nice, old man.”

The following day, President Biden called Colbert, saying, “It was nice meeting you, but if you ever call me a nice, old man again, I’ll kick your ass.”

Colbert said, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, you’re not nice at all.” 

Thankfully our current president seems to remember laughter matters.

LM516 I Dislike Paul

LM, Episode 516, 4/28/21

As much as I enjoy working in the Block office with Stefanie, Judy, and Laura, I dislike working in the other office.  There are a couple of reasons and one is a guy, let’s call him Paul because that’s his name.

I can’t figure out if Paul’s worst quality is being a racist or a chauvinist.  He told me one night, “I wished you’d done that last return.  I like the husband, but the wife is black and she asks way too many questions.”

Thinking sarcasm might help him see how wrong that statement was, I go, “I know, my dad asks all sorts of questions about his return and we’ve often wondered if he isn’t black.”  

His wife makes him a peanut butter sandwich every day for lunch.  On April 15 they had tacos at that office and Paul says, “These tacos saved my wife three minutes this morning not having to make my sandwich.”

As nice as I could, I said, “Your wife could save three minutes every morning by telling you to make your own damn sandwich.”  

Paul is dumbfounded.  He says, “I don’t know how to cook.”

“Paul, you don’t have to be Julia Child to make a peanut butter sandwich.  When I was ten I called my mom at her job and said, ‘I’m hungry,’ and she replied, ‘Then learn to cook,’ and she hung up on me.” 

Paul simply turned and walked away with his plate of tacos, seemingly disliking me as much as I dislike him.

I should feel sorry for Paul because he is completely devoid of humor.  He never laughs or smiles.  Maybe he wouldn’t be so racist and chauvinistic if he knew how much laughter matters.