LM540 Saturday Morning Live- Replay

Laughter Matters Saturday Morning Live

LM539 Dr Pretty Boy DDS

LM, Episode 539, 5/21/21

My cap fell off my tooth, so I had to visit our dentist, Dr. Prettyboy, DDS.  This man is model type handsome.

Actually, he’s Twyla’s dentist.  I haven’t been to see him for a couple of years.  She gets her teeth clean so often I’m afraid he’s going to grind them off.  My grandma recommended him to Twyla.  When I observed, “Grandma, you don’t have any teeth,” she responded, “No, but I have eyes.”

Dr. Prettyboy, DDS is not only handsome, he’s quite religious.  The office is filled with bible verses, but today I noticed pictures of his family.  I hadn’t noticed them before because it looks like he just left the picture that was in the frame when he bought it.  There he is with his beautiful, blond wife, and four beautiful children.  

I commended, “You have four children?  Man, you need to get a hobby.”

He laughs uncomfortably like he isn’t wanting to offend me, so I quickly ask, “How old are your children,” so he won’t think I’m a creep.

He tells me their ages, then says, “All of their birthdays are the last week of July and the first week of August.” 

“Really, your children were all born at the end of July and the first of August.  I want to go to the Halloween party you attend.”

After an awkward silence, I go, “Would you please put your hands in my mouth so I will stop talking.”  

I hope Dr. Prettyboy, DDS will realize laughter matters.

LM538 I'll Miss Block but I Doubt Block Will Miss Me

LM, Episode 538, 5/20/21

Monday was my last day doing taxes for H&R Block.  I’m not going to lie, it has been a challenge, but I was surprised how quickly my accounting skills returned to me.  Someone said it’s like riding a bike and it is.  Both require attention to detail, both require you to balance, and if you do either five straight days your butt hurts.

I’m not sure who will be more happy for my tenure to end at Block, me or my co-workers. 

Paul, who I’ve mentioned before, asked me last week to do a spreadsheet for one of his returns, but he says, “You do know how to do spreadsheets?”

I’ve been doing spreadsheets for forty years since you hand wrote numbers in columns on a sheet of paper you could spread out on a table.  I answered, “I think I can figure it out.”

The next day he was bragging to our boss, Bill, what a great job I did, then, just before leaving he comes up to me as I’m talking to a coworker, Joni, “Can I ask one more favor?”

“Paul, you are all out of favors.”

All he could muster to say was, “Please?”

“Don’t think please is going to change my mind.  I said no.”

“Actually, Kent, I was asking Joni.”

“Yes, and Joni was just telling me she’s also tired of doing your work for you.”

Joni is laughing and says, “Paul, what do you need?”

Completely confused, Paul asks Joni for his favor and walks away.  Joni says, “Bless his heart, Paul will never be the same after having to work with you.”

But I do want to thank my boss, Bill, for giving me this opportunity and I want to thank him, Tonya, Joni, Nina, Laura, and especially, Judy and Stefanie for answering my questions, helping me when I couldn’t find my mistakes, and for making me feel welcome in spite of my excentricities.  This has been a Godsend for my mental health during the dark days of the pandemic.  I love you all and will never forget how often you reminded me laughter matters.

LM537 Enjoy Being Four

LM, Episode 537, 5/19/21

My friend, Maureen, and I were talking on Sunday.  She said her grandson turned four over the weekend and he told her, “Nana, I am done being 3.”

I’m nearly 60 years older than this child and in the past week I have lost a cap on a tooth and tore the meniscus in my right knee running, so, son, enjoy being four because in the blink of an eye you’ll be hobbling around on one leg eating nothing but soft foods while juggling all of your doctor’s appointments.  

And remember something your Nana has known for a long time and that is laughter matters.

 

LM536 I´m Green

LM, Episode 536, 5/18/21, 

My friend, Andy, calls, “Kent, I need to learn to lie”

“Why are you calling me?”

Actually, many would be offended by such a call, but I am like a lying savant. Years ago, Twyla told our grandson, “Try telling me you’re green.” Every-time Kai tried, he’d break out laughing.  Twyla says, “Kai, watch this.  Papa Kent, tell me you’re green.”

“I’m green.”  Kai was amazed.

“Andy, what’s the problem?”

It seems his daughter, Abigail, had 35 cans of paint left by the old owners.  Andy was taking these, plus two or three of his own to recycle.  The guy at the recycling asks, “Are all of these yours?”

Being honest, Andy says, “Most are my daughters.”

The guy says. “We can only take the ones that are yours.”  Saintly Andy, pulls out the two or three that are his and returns home with Abigail’s 35 cans.

“Andy, Andy, Andy, I know lying has a bad reputation, but sometimes it is the right thing to do.  Some manager came up with that rule, but the guy at the gate doesn’t care.  In fact, he, probably, expects people to lie to him.”

Years ago we were refinancing our house.  The mortgage people were filling out a form for Fannie Mae and, because they understand tax returns only slightly more than they understand quantum physics, they screwed up our form.  I called Fannie Mae’s Los Angeles office and when I got hold of a woman, she asked, “Are you a lender?”

“Yes I am.”  

We discuss the problem and she offers to send me instructions on how to fill it out.  I gave her the email address of the banker as if it were my own.

I’m telling this story to Twyla’s cousin, Brenda, who’s a mortgage banker and she asks, “As a borrower, how did you get Fannie Mae to talk with you? 

“I lied.”

“Andy, this lie hurt no one.  In fact, it not only helped me close my mortgage, but it educated the mortgage banker on how to complete the form.”

Twyla says, “Kent, Andy is the most virtuous person either one of us have ever met.  Do you want him to be dragged into the dark depths of hell lying has pulled you?” So, Andy, I love you just the way you are.  Don’t you go changing.  I will drop by this week and take Abigail’s paint to the recycling.  

Always remember laughter matters and that’s no lie.